About a month ago I had the rare opportunity to sit down with my design director and talk to her about life and work. We talked about my bouts with depression (self-diagnosed), my tendencies to micromanage, a developer that’s been a thorn in my side, our feelings of abandonment and anxiety. Our vulnerabilities.
But within all of that talk, I was given a rare piece of unsolicited praise; that I had really grown and stepped up as an employee and leader within the company.
/–Full disclosure here, I noticed this post went unfinished, and I’m now trying to jump back to my thought process from 5 months ago.–/
But I have to sit and wonder, how much of that was actually because of my abilities as an employee and how much of that is because I micromanage the hell out of people to make sure things get done on time?
There’s a nuance to managing, one that requires delegation, trust, and a little bit of a hands-off approach that I feel is missing from my work ethic. I have trouble trusting others to complete tasks that have been handed off. Which leads to constant check-ins, slight hovering at the beginning of the project, and sometimes just taking the project back if it’s not going the way envisioned.
The question then becomes, how does one step away from their micro-managing tendencies and allow others to grow and find their own path while still being guided from afar?
How does one let go when the consequences are their job, financial stability, reputation?
There probably needs to be an element of not 100% owning it, and letting ownership fall on the person tasks were delegated to. Of course, if something goes wrong, the buck stops with you.
Teaching has taught me to let go a little more and just—not necessarily, not to care—but to not fear and even allow for failure so that it can be used as a teaching moment for everyone involved. The trick may be to make sure there’s plenty of room/bandwidth/time for that happen so that the consequences aren’t so dire.
Who knows. I’m still figuring it out.